Eleven Months.....

Today is Monday December Twenty First Two Thousand Oh Nine. Normally I would say that Mondays suck but not this Monday. Eleven months ago I woke up in the Arbor dual diagnosis detox unit in lovely Jamaica Plain. I felt pretty crappy and my blood pressure was thru the roof. So much so that the nurses made me sit in a chair by their desk so they could feed me Librium, take my blood pressure, and be on the lookout in case I keeled over and had a seizure. I was going thru alcohol withdrawal and its pretty nasty shit all considered. I had kicked heroin that previous weekend so that was not as much of an issue but I had done just enough so it would come back positive on my blood so they could treat me for that.

I met all sorts of interesting people in detox. Hookers, thieves, drug addicts, regular folks, and a transvestite. I was the only person in detox for the first time, everyone else was a repeat customer. It was an interesting experience and not one I would like to repeat but I def learned a bunch. The main thing I learned is to not let my life get so out of control that I need to be locked up for seven days again. It was a dual diagnosis wing meaning that it treated addicts that also had thoughts of offing themselves. For the first time in my life I thought about ending it, so much so that I had a loaded revolver next to me. Pretty bad shit if you ask me.

The last eleven months have been a whirlwind of recovery for me. I was ready to learn how to stop using and I can honestly say that I have put a ton of effort into it. The first ninety days were a blur because I was on some serious meds: Suboxone, Abilify, Serequel, and Trazadone. They really helped me in the beginning and allowed me to work on healing myself. After about five months I stopped taking everything but the Suboxone and I feel much more with it. I always believed in better living thu pharmacology and it def helped me in this case. I think it is important that I took all these medications as directed and stopped taking them when I didn't need them anymore.

Alcoholics Anonymous has been very important to my continued sobriety esp the meetings in the Harvard Square area. They fill the gap socially and I have learned how to ask for help, follow up with people, and express myself honestly. I tried out Narcotics Anonymous but I didn't get the vibe that I get at AA. I went to about thirty NA meetings so it wasn't as if I just went to one and then decided it wasn't for me. I have told my story four times and act as a chairperson for a weekly meeting. It feels good to get involved in the program and helping other people makes me feel good. I don't always agree with everything that AA preaches but I know that it does work for me and I have learned much from my sponsor.

I think I have changed much over this past year and I think all of it for the better. There is really nothing bad about being sober for me and while I do miss the social aspect of bars I don't miss waking up at five am and drinking mouthwash to get a buzz. I firmly believe that I am giving myself the best shot and living a good and honest life and that I have grown a bunch emotionally. I am looking forward to next month when I celebrate my one year and I know that I have to watch out for a serious let down after the attention has faded.

Thats all for now, I have so much more to write about how I feel and how recovery has changed my life.