NYE Plans, Weight, & Bye Bye Ciggys !

Today is Wednesday December Thirtieth Two Thousand Oh Nine. I just got an email from a guy from the Los Sugar Kings and wouldn't you know it if I head down there a few hours early I can help them carry their shit in and get a roadie pass. I think thats awesome, not only do I get to help some friends out but I don't have to pay for the show. I love it when music thanks my wallet and I am always psyched to help folks out even if I didn't get anything for it. I am not going to lie and say I don't like getting shit for free, I mean who doesn't but when I help a band out I feel somehow a little closer to the music. I am going to answer him back and offer whatever services I can render and if all it is just hanging out talking with them then thats fine with me. I go pretty far back with the bass player I used to talk with him at aftershow parties in Salem with his old band Michigan Blacksnake. My friend Greg was the lead singer and guitar player from them and is a really good guy. They are the sort of folks who get really psyched up when people come out and see them. Thats how things ought to be.

So I weighed myself this morning and I was pleased to see that I have lost fifteen pounds after a month of working out. I am quite satisfied with that rate, if I can lost fifteen pounds a month for the next few months I will be down to my fighting weight. My first goal is two hundred pounds and the next one is one eighty or so. When I was skiing for CSC I got down to about one eighty eight and could run for forty five minutes without getting winded. I sure as hell wouldn't know it during the races though, I have never felt that out of shape before or since. I bought a pair of size thirty six straight leg jeans which are normal fit. I could barley get them over my ass when they arrived ten days ago and I am looking forward to them fitting well and then loosely at some point. I realize that doing this is sort of xx chromosome behavior but what the hell, whatever works. I ordered some spiffy adidas shorts to work out in and they fit pretty well at the moment. I think that I must have a fairly high natural metabolism considering how much fat and sugar I used to eat on any given day. If I ate what I did and had a really slow metabolism I think I would have been really obese. I really like the various Special K offerings and a couple of bowls of them with 1 percent milk is somewhere in the 400 calorie range and I can live with that.

Some dude read my blog and left a comment, I feel so blessed because it was the entry about my mouthwash habit and being hooked on heroin. I think he was a little horrified to say the least but I am just being honest on here, sharing with people the way my life was before. I was willing to put just about anything in my body to get thru the day and it is important for me to remember that. Its just so much better for me to be sober, my life is much easier to deal with. Sure I have regrets and wish I could have done things differently but there isn't much I can do about it now. I need to move forward and enjoy each day as much as I am able. I was thinking about what would make me relapse and I think that it wouldn't be much of anything. Just one day I would give up and decide to drink some vodka and that would be that. Whats keeping me from doing that is the belief that I wouldn't try to get sober again, that I would just give up and drink myself to death. I don't think I could go thru this again and it would be such a major let down to erase all of the progress I have made over the past year. Sometime this summer I decided that I like being sober and that was just fine with me.

I am one of those alcoholics that doesn't mind when people drink around me or going to bars and clubs to see music. What I don't really like is going to house parties or hanging out in pubs when the number one function is drinking. I suppose I could deal with it for a few hours but not a all night sort of deal. I also wonder when I meet a xx chromosome who is into me and me into her if she will be able to deal with me not just hanging out and drinking. I am not really worried about it and I know I will find someone who can deal but I am just curious. I am pretty lonely from a relationship perspective and like any other human bean I want someone to be intimate with and to wake up to. For so long feeding my head was enough for me and I ignored feeding my heart. My heart is hungry and growing bigger by the day.

I am quitting smoking today. I have eleven or twelve ciggys left and thats it. As I have said before I love smoking and will miss it dearly but enough is enough. I think that the nicotine candy will be awesome even if it doesn't taste all that good the important thing is that I am not taking smoke into my lungs anymore. Here I am not drinking and doing drugs every day but I am inhaling toxic smoke twenty to twenty five times a day. I can't wait to see myself this time next year with another year of sobriety under my belt, no smoking for a year, and a year in the gym. Its going to be interesting to look over these blog entries and see what I was thinking about at certain times a year. This blog is really just for me but I am sharing it with anyone who cares enough to read it. If I can influence just one person then I would be very happy.