Today is December Thirteenth Two Thousand Oh Nine. I didn't write anything yesterday because I decided to take a nap at 4:00pm yesterday and I just woke up twenty minutes ago. I don't normally sleep more than six or seven hours but once in a while I need some real sleep. I was super tired because I had been up late at Hot Tuna the previous night and up early for my usual Saturday routine. Plus I had the bonus of going thru my fifth step with my sponsor.
I go to a AA meeting every Saturday called the Friend's Meeting at the Quaker Meeting house off Brattle Street near Harvard Square. It was one of the first meetings where I felt the AA love, people who I didn't know really seemed to give a shit about me and looked forward to hearing about my recovery. Many of other AA members from other groups bust on the friends meeting saying that the people who go don't have much to worry about because they are rich, successful, and sorta snooty. First of all, AA is for anyone that needs to stop drinking. Period. Second, if you don't like the meeting, then go to another meeting. Anyway, I enjoy the folks in the quaker friends meeting, they have been important to my sobriety and I enjoy the meeting. I was a speaker for the meeting a few months ago and from all reports the audience enjoyed and learned from my honesty.
As a member of AA I try and do everything they suggest. I do this because it has worked for others and what do I have to lose ? I have been sober longer than I ever have before, I like the meetings, and enjoy being a part of something. I have been working on the twelve steps which along with the twelve traditions are the infrastructure of Alcoholics Anonymous. They provide a template in which to strengthen your sobriety and improve your life in the process. It is not a pleasant process but at times it does make you feel better. The fourth step for me is broken down into four parts: resentments, people I have harmed, fears, and sexual conduct. I thought and wrote about them for five weeks and then spent two saturdays explaining them to my sponsor and after which I completed my fifth step.
I am active in AA and work the program to the best of my ability. I do this because for many years I couldn't face the day without getting high, drunk, or both and AA has given me the opportunity to live my life sober. Would other programs work ? Maybe. Could I do this on my own ? Probably not. All I know is that AA helps me in ways that I didnt think possible.
Routines are an important part of my life now and this is a big change from the way I lived my life before. They instill a sense of purpose, calm, and cause me to look forward to the future. When I was active the only routine I had was to get high or drunk or usually both. Some days I would shower, some I wouldn't. Some weeks I would have clean clothes to wear, some I wouldn't. Some days I would get to work at 7:30am and some days I would arrive after 9:00. I could not be depended on to show up for life because I could not depend on myself. Routines seem to most to be a simple part of the day's framework but for me they help tremendously. I will be writing much more about sobriety in general but I want to start a little at a time, mimicking how I go about my recovery.
Oh, Hot Tuna was awesome.
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