Happy Funky

Today is Friday March Twenty Sixth Two Thousand Ten. I am slowing down a bit on my blog, not from lack of things to say but I'm just super busy going to the gym, working, and AA. I never thought I'd say this but its been really nice to get back into my regular routine because it makes me feel comfortable. I'm still very amped about the whole SXSW experience and have already been attempting to talk my friend from Atlanta into going next year. I've been looking at plane fares for the ACL festival in October and I think that thats a def go. I am going to fly into Austin and out of Dallas because its only going to cost me about fifty bucks to do so and it would enable me to be a bit more flexible. Unless ACL has a very bad lineup this year I am most certainly going.

I have so many people whom I call sobriety cheerleaders who are an important part of my program. These are people who are not in the program but have been touched by my ability to stay sober for so (in my life so far) long. One of them said that she was proud that I was able to stay sober in Austin and I responded that since I was so good at drinking I should be even better at sobriety. Thats the major disconnect between alcoholics and normal people, they just don't understand why we drink. I am not going to succumb to drinking again just because I am around others who are. It would have to take a really bad situation for me to pick up again and I hope to never kid myself that I can drink like a normal person. I drank mouthwash to get drunk for gods sake, at six in the morning before work ! Normal people jut don't fucking do that no matter how freaky they are. Anyway, its very special to me to have friends who care so much for me that my sobriety matters and is in their minds.

I went to my first meeting in a week last nite, the longest its been since I've been sober. I wasn't freaking out or anything but it did feel good to be part of Cambridge AA again. I missed seeing the people who have been a part of this journey with me and it def relaxed me. I go to five or six meetings a week because I genuinely enjoy attending them not because I feel I have to. Its good to be reminded of other's problems I guess, I don't need any reminder that I belong in AA I can just think about what I wrote in the previous paragraph if I need any sort of sign. I am by no means invincible with my sobriety but I do know how to read my feelings and how to reach out to others if I am feeling bad funky. I am looking forward to tonight and tomorrow's meetings and catching up with some folks I have not seen for a few weeks. Thats always a good thing to me.

I know I've written about this before but I'm going to again. I am having some serious problems with my sponsor. I don't think that he means anything, its just the way he is. I have a serious problem with people who are late to events they are supposed to meet me at. He knows this. We were supposed to meet at six fifteen for a seven o'clock Celtics game. He called me at six forty five and told me he was leaving and when I called him thirty minutes later he told me he was till thirty minutes away. So he was over ninety minutes late to something he has two weeks to plan for. I realize that stuff comes up but please either send me an email or call me when you know you are running late. Fifteen minutes I can understand, thirty if you are taking the mbta but ninety ? I almost said something I would regret and all was forgiven but I am still fired up about it. It goes beyond that cash I spent for his ticket or anything like that. If he can't even manage his own life then how the hell is he going to be able to help with mine ? I realize thats a super shitty thing to say but I'm just being honest. I know I should talk with him about it rather than letting it fester like it is but I'm afraid of what I am going to say. If I was to send him an email about it he wouldnt fucking read it for a week.

Ok, enough about that. Time for bummer paragraph number two. My favorite living guitar player was in town last nite and I even had a hot female to go with but I didn't end up going. I didn't attend because Randy would be there and I didn't want to deal with him. Not in front of other people, thats some shit we should work out alone. The problem is that I don't know if I want to work it out with him anymore. Maybe our friendship is over and we should just go our separate ways like we have been and just remember the good times. I was going thru a bunch of old pics the other weekend and he was in three quarters of them. It sucked. Perhaps we have grown apart and due to my sobriety we don't have anything in common anymore. That would suck as well because I always thought that our friendship went beyond just getting blasted all the time. Maybe I was wrong about that, he told me this summer that he didn't know how to hang out with me sober and I told him fine, get wasted when you are around me. I don't give a shit. I can't believe I gave out hanging out with my best smelling female friend because of my former best friend. I don't know what sort of girly potion she uses but it smells awesome, I can tell when she is near because I smell her first. Don't think I'm going to mention that while in the friend zone.

So I weighed myself when I got back from vacation and I was back to two thirty four. I wasn't surprised because I did eat fat & sugar like a champ when I was there but I thought gaining ten pounds in ten days was a bit extreme. Then I weighed myself this morning at the gym and I'm at two twenty four ? What the fuck ? Did I not read the scale correctly or something, did I have ten pounds of pennies in my ass ? So now that I am back to my routine I am back to the gym. It is my intention to do at least thirty minutes of cardio a day for thirty days and I started this today. I just want to see if I can do it and of course get the positives out of it. I am also going to start seeing how much I can increase my weight on some of the machines and really push myself for a month. Just to see. I am already getting definition in my arms and shoulders and while I still have a belly the muscles underneath it are getting stronger. If there is one thing I regret about not getting sober before Oh Nine is not getting into shape sooner. I not only like how I feel but working out is a cool experience in its self.

All things considered I feel great and very lucky to be where I am in life right now. Sure, I'd like to have some intimate female companionship but that will happen in time. I enjoy working for CHB and if this transfer doesn't work out I will be fine with that. I am experiencing life in a way that I didn't think was possible or probable. Sure there are challenges in my life some of which I just had a bitch fest about but they are not insurmountable anymore. When I was using every day was a battle to get out of bed and face something beyond the bottle or the television set. I am happy funky today and have been that way for most of my sobriety so far. One of the best pieces of advice out of many I have received is not to take yourself too seriously. I take my sobriety seriously and everything else may or may not fall into place. I don't know why I've been so lucky in my early sobriety, I have worked hard but it has not been nearly as difficult as I thought it was going to be. Before I got sober I gave myself a few months but when I was in actual detox I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it took never to return to a place like that and well, with the people that were in there. I am too smart, educated, happy, and vital to ever be a slave to alcohol again. I'm not vain either !