Welcome All Share & Other Reflections

Today is Tuesday March Second Two Thousand Ten. March is much easier to spell than February, no matter how many times I wrote it last month (twenty four) I still misspelled it most of the time. Some jackass is having a conversation about ten feet away from me in the library. I can see answering your phone and saying something quick but this idiot is going over edits for some paper he is writing. Sometimes the docs around here can get an air of self importance where the normal rules don't seem to apply to them. Yeah, I understand that you save lives and shit like that but walk twenty feet to the office thats set up TO TAKE PHONE CALLS. Idiot.

I was asked to speak at the Welcome All group last nite about five minutes before the meeting. I have never had the chance to speak at that meeting so it was cool that I was able to do it. It was also cool to have an positive impact in people's lives and that I am (cough cough) a role model or source of inspiration for people. You can't buy the feeling that gives you and its one of the main reasons I like aa so much. It was also nice to be able to tell my story off the cuff like that because normally I practice daily for the week leading up to it. I do that because I like to be prepared for shit and also I figure many of these people have heard hundreds if not thousands of people's stories and I'd like them to remember mine. I talked about one aspect of my life I'm really ashamed about and that was the amount of narcotics trafficking I was a part of in high school and in my twenties. I wasn't a street dealer, I was mostly the guy you would call to get something in a size worth distributing. There are many ways to get busted doing illegal things and I learned that the less time you held on to something illegal the better chance you have of getting away with it. I still get calls and occasionally run into people who want me to make some calls and I can honestly say that I can't really help them. Most of the people I used to do business with are either in jail or live a plane trip away and I am just not going to do that for anyone no matter what the circumstances.

I met with Nancy this morning to go over the new training plans and I am really happy with them. I am even happier that I am able to do the bicep curl with good form for all the reps required. Its always cool to see progress after a month and I can't wait to be even more toned in my arms and shoulders. I realize that probably sounds super vain but I guess I am super vain right now. I want to look my best so that I can feel my best and working my ass off in the gym has much to do with that. Someone at the meeting last nite told me she doesn't even remember what I looked like last year and looking back I can see why she said that. This is a woman who has also gone thru a major improvement over the last year. I don't know if she is getting into shape, eating better, spending more time on her appearance or what all I know is that she is legit hot these days. I told her that once in a round about way, she had straightened her hair and wore some form fitting clothes and when I saw her I was wondering who the new hot girl was. She is also very down to earth and has a very serene and honest way about her.

Yeah, I will stop writing about the xx chromosomes when hell freezes over. I was telling myself that I write about them too often but they are important to me and are better at certain shit than I am. Plus they smell good which is always a winner in my book. One thing I mentioned last nite that got a bit of play was my thoughts on depression and how my depression left me once I stopped getting fucked up all the time. Some folks took it the wrong way I think and from now on I am going to preface whatever I say about the subject with something like "Well for me.." I thought that since it was my share that would be obvious but I guess it isn't. Thing is, if I don't drink I am happy. My life in much easier for me to handle. I am optimistic to the point of sounding patronizing on occasion but I'm not sorry for it. My program and how I work it fucking works for me and thats that. I am a very different person than I was even this summer considering how much I've learned about myself since then. I am not perfect and I don't have a perfect program but I like it and it works for me.

Speaking at the Welcome All group was a big deal for me personally. Its my home group for one and the group I serve as secretary for. Its the group I go to commitments with and the one I attend the most. Its a tie with the Quaker Friends meeting for my favorite and while they are both large meetings the vibe to completely different. I feel that WA are more of my peers in AA and people in my demographic. WA also attracts plenty of newcomers and perhaps someday someone will ask me to sponsor them. I learned quite a bit from my brief stint as a sponsor and while it was painful to see that kid constantly relapse on not have the desire to get clean I was able to handle it and I learned a few things.