Achieving Goals & Realistic Dreams

Today is Wednesday of the April Twenty Eighth Two Thousand Ten. This is my one hundredth entry in the gr8fulnotdead blog and I'm pretty fucking happy about it. When I was active there were so many times that I would start something and after a week or even a couple of days I would quit. I would quit because it didn't interest me anymore, I thought the task was too difficult, or I wasn't seeing any results. Not that everything has changed by its self, I've had to work and work hard for it but I now like to see things thru or at least know in my heart that I have given the task my best effort. Its important to set tangible goals that you can achieve rather than chasing dreams. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have dreams, it just means for me anyway that life is much more rewarding if I achieve something I've set out to accomplish.

The first goal that I set for myself is pretty damn obvious but I'll say it anyway; Sobriety. Sobriety with a capital "S" because without out that realized goal all others go out the window. Thru hard work, dedication to self, and the help of many others I have been able to maintain my sobriety for over a year. That is such a long way from having to drink every morning so that I wouldn't fall ill. Sometime last summer Sobriety became a part of my lifestyle that I could begin to build around. Exercise out became another facet of my new lifestyle along with eating right and quitting smoking cigarettes. Its important to note that I was sober for ten months before I started seriously exercising and I had eleven months when I quit smoking. A sure way not to reach your goals is to place too many of them in your path. I set attainable goals one after the other and while they are not the hardest tasks in the world, there is a fair amount of effort involved. I can look back over the last year and be proud that I am living a healthy lifestyle and I am starting to be someone with integrity. I am proud of who I am and am comfortable in my own skin which is a direct result of self honesty. If you can't be honest with yourself then you are just wasting your time.

Do I have dreams ? Fucking A right I do. One dream is to be married, another is to have children. Some others are house ownership & having a cool car. Can I realize these dreams ? I am sure that with enough hard work, honesty, and dedication that I can indeed achieve these dreams. Will they be everything I thought they would ? Probably not but they are what I make of them. I've been thinking about this a bunch lately when I am walking to the MBTA in the morning. For some reason, I always seem to get the majority of inner self thinking when I am walking to and from the MBTA station. Sure I may find someone I can con into marrying me. Will she be perfect ? Certainly not, will she love, trust, & support me ? She better or we ain't getting married in the first place. Will the house I own be enough ? Probably not, there will always be bigger or cooler houses out there but my house will suit the purpose of allowing me somewhere to rest my head. I guess I have realistic dreams, saving trips to the Moon and flying like a bird to other people. I just want to be happy and I think I know what I need to do in order to fulfill that need.

One of the gifts of my recovery has been the ability to be honest with myself and to take a personal inventory. Granted I'm not on the tenth step but I can really do whatever the hell I want to. Taking a daily personal inventory is an important part of my life because it allows me to take action on things that I would normally ignore and let fester somewhere in my head. Rather than letting things be and hope they work themselves out I try to come up with a plan to take action in my life. My life was out of control for many years so I really enjoy being responsible for what is happening to me on a daily basis. I guess this would be pretty obvious to most people but I am a slow learner in this case. Better late than never, progress rather than perfection, blah blah blah. I now control my future and it is a much better way to live than just letting things go willy nilly.

Yet another thing I've been working on is admitting when I don't know something and asking for help. I guess that began when I wasn't able to help myself with my alcoholism and drug addiction and asked for help getting sober and working within my recovery. For instance, I like to believe that I am pretty good at repairing bicycles but my knowledge doesn't go much beyond whats on a BMX bike. So I am pretty good at basic stuff, could tru a rim or replace a headset & crankset if I had to but when it comes to gearing I'm stuck. I also think that the more that I learn the better informed I will be when it comes time to make improvements to my current ride. I dearly love my old marin and I really don't want to trade it in for a newer model when this one will work fine. That doesn't mean I won't spend almost as much as it would cost for a new bike on it. A couple of years ago I made the street change over and added some thumb shifters but of course there are plenty of other things I can fiddle with on her. I am hoping to take a class that will help me with the tuning of the cycle as well as to be able to make a educated decision about improving my forks with the locking suspension type.