Being Clumsy But Confident

Today is Monday April Twenty Sixth Two Thousand Ten. If I had a perfect day last week then I had an awesome weekend. I went to Rockland to get the mighty "Carlotta" shipshape for the upcoming season and I always enjoy both going to Maine and working on the boat. I consider myself lucky to enjoy the presence of my folks and that thru all the lies and deceptions of my use they have always stood by and trusted me. Its nice to be worthy of that trust now when for so long I wasn't. It felt awesome when they told me they had something serious to discuss with me and I didn't have anything to be ashamed about or anything to hide from them. Its such a liberating feeling and that has as much to do with my recovery as does staying sober.

So I was walking around the boat on Saturday when I tripped and fell off. Normally this wouldn't be a super big problem because I can swim and if I was on the boat by myself it would either be at the mooring or I would be tied into a harness if I was underway. A early season dip in the ocean is always refreshing and something to look forward to but the problem is that the boat was on land this time. I fell about twelve feet and cracked my head pretty well on the pavement. I was starting to wake up from the fuzzies and trying to figure out if I had broken anything when a tender hand shook me on the shoulder. I started to focus on a pretty woman in some sort of uniform and thought at first I was in the hospital. Turns out that a petty officer from the Coast Guard station next door to the boat yard happened to be the officer on the deck that day and saw the whole thing happen. When I didn't get up right away she went over to make sure I was still kicking. I swear, it was like I was in a movie or something and god damn was she cute and I always like women in uniform whether its a nurse or a member of our armed forces.

Anyway PO Weston went to fetch some ice and a first aid kit and when she returned I blurted out before I knew what I was saying, "Um, would you like to have some coffee when you are off duty ?" She looked at me for a moment, asked if I was dizzy, and if I just had asked her out. I told her that I wasn't that dizzy anymore and I didn't know what the protocol was for thanking officers of the armed forces for their services. She didn't correct me then anyway, and told me that she would be available for coffee the next afternoon when she was relieved from duty. We did indeed have coffee and I wish I could say that sparks flew and we ended up at a hotel soon after but we just talked. She is certainly an interesting person and is certified or whatever they call it on a .50 cal machine gun but a romance between myself and a Coast Guard Petty Officer will probably not happen any time soon.

I've always been clumsy and it took me forever to learn how to ride a bicycle but this is the first time it has been put to good use. I am pretty sure that I knocked myself out for a few moments but I didn't puke so it couldn't have been all that bad. I called my doc for any appointment tomorrow to make sure everything is still operating as its supposed to. I don't have a headache or blurry vision or anything like that so I think I am good to go. I am however, really freaking sore from all the running that I did this weekend. I didn't want to pay ten bucks for the gym near my folks place so I ran up and down twelve flights of stairs sixty or so times. I suddenly have pain in places that I've never had pain in before it for a really fucking long time. It just shows how out of shape I was four months ago and how much more work I have to do. I thought I was pretty slick till I did all that running and I was struggling for breath and my legs were throbbing. Its swell to know that no matter how good and in shape I feel I can always find something to put me in my place.

Speaking of feeling completely out of shape, I just returned from physical therapy. It never ceases to amaze me how humbled I am by just a few exercises that I've never done before. Give me a month and I can learn to do them fairly well or at least be able to complete them comfortably. To make matters worse I forgot my shorts and tshirt and I am not dripping with sweat for the moment. Good thing I have some good smelling shit to lather on my body before the meeting tonight. I could care less how I smell at work but being smelly at a meeting is a completely different animal. Anyway, the pt gal had me balancing with one leg on some sort of half ball while swinging the other leg back and forth. Seems simple, right ? It was hard enough for me to just balance never mind swinging my leg back and forth. I think I am going to have to allow another twenty minutes in the gym to do all this physical therapy shit. One good thing is that one of the exercises they had me do used my abdomen muscles that I've been working on so they allowed me to do the exercise with relative ease.

I was thinking to myself this morning that one of the main reasons I like exercising so much is that I am able to see legitimate progress after a few months. If I work hard and practice the exercises I've been assigned then after a while it begins to show. It may not happen after a few days but after a few months I can def see and feel the difference. Getting fit is so much more than losing weight and gaining energy levels. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and the confidence that goes along with meeting goals you have set for yourself. You could say that the reason why I asked Petty Officer Weston out for coffee was that I was still dazed from cracking my head but I would argue that I had the confidence that she would agree to meet me rather than assuming that she would say no. Confidence is a tricky thing and there is nothing worse than false confidence, telling yourself that you can do something you have no business doing. I think that I am doing really well keeping myself grounded and believing in what I am doing and how I am living my life. I can't wait to see how I am doing in September and how much I enjoy living my life. Looking forward to the future is something I've been doing since last Spring and is such a turnaround from my active days.