Music Part Two

Today is Monday Mary Twenty Fourth Two Thousand Ten and I have this incredible itch to just say "Fuck It" and walk off my job of seven years. I won't do such I thing of course because I am now responsible and not given to impulsive behavior but I really would like to. I am done here, at least in this department and I will be glad when I no longer work in this group. I've done too many things in the past here to ever be on an even plain in management's eyes and I think I am sorta wasting my time. I of course, should be looking for another job but I have not really made the effort to go find one. I called a guy last Friday who might be hiring field technicians and that would be a good way to round out my skill set. I've done my time here and its time to move on because I don't see any chance of me getting promoted with what has transpired in the past. I take full responsibility for my actions and do wish they hadn't happened but I should be glad that at least I've had employment during these turbulent years.

So rather than moping about my job and the future of it I am going to write about something that always makes me feel good; music. Anyone who knows me or talks to me for more than five minutes figures out that music is a central theme in my life. I grew up listening to my mother play the harp and piano, listening to lp's with my brother, and sneaking off to Boston at thirteen to attend all ages hardcore shows. There is recorded music and there is live music and while the beginnings were loud yet humble fast bar chords at the Ratskellar in Eighty Three, things started getting serious when I went to see the Grateful Dead in eighty six. After that, no other live act really mattered till I saw four guys from Vermont in ninety one. I didn't like them at first, I walked out of the show because I had a headache from drinking too much. I went back to college and started listening to live tapes of theirs just like I had with the Dead and I was hooked. The next time saw them was at UNH I think I went down in the middle of winter without a place to stay but I did have a ticket. I've never been to a PH!SH show without a ticket, a streak that I hope to continue till they don't play anymore.

It was the summer of nineteen ninety five and I had an epic two weeks planned. I would start the run by catching four PH!SH shows in a row, work for five days and then fly to Chicago for a couple of Dead shows. It was epic, the ability to see my two favorite bands within a week of each other is a very special thing and I was psyched. I came back from that time period knowing one thing, as much as I loved the Dead's music and their live shows, I was fully into PH!SH now. The music was more modern, the scene more familiar, and they were an east coast band. In late July of ninety five I decided that while I'd still catch the Dead in the summer, that I would travel to see PH!SH where ever they played. In two weeks Jerry died and I guess that made my decision a moot point but I had made the decision. Sure I was bummed that Jerry was gone but he had done it, his flag has been raised to the pinnacle of live music performance where PH!SH was just getting started.

I've seen PH!SH over two hundred times at this point, in many states and two countries. I've had the best of times at shows and I've had problems as well. Their music still gives me goosebumps when I listen to certain songs and I feel very lucky to have been a part of their success from the near beginning. I wasn't at Nector's of Burlington in the eighties but I did pick them up a few years later and never looked back. You either love PH!SH or you hate them, I don't think they appeal to the casual listener. I have friends that I only see at PH!SH shows and towns I only travel to if the band is playing there. My family doesn't understand it and while the appeal of drugs was a large part of it for me, there was always the music and nothing could or would get in the way of that. Thats why it wasnt a super huge deal to see them sober.

When PH!SH released the date at Fenway Park I knew that I had to attend that show. Not only was it at the local baseball park but I was sober now and I had something to prove. I went to the show solo and had a great time, leaving late in the second set. I had enough experience for one evening and really enjoyed myself. Since then I went to Great Woods with a friend and to Portland solo. I have tickets to Great Woods this summer and they just announced that PH!SH will be playing Austin City Limits this fall and I am already going to that. I was able to catch Trey's solo project at the House Of Blues and I went to with a bunch of people. It was at this show that I learned about how I feel when other people are using. I could care less if someone I know is drinking but when they start to act & look fucked up it bothers me. If I don't know someone personally, they can be completely wasted and its ok with me but if I know them, then its tiresome. Case in point, about half the people I went with ingested mushroom chocolates when we were in line to get into the show. I looked at my watch and checked them time because I knew in an hour or so that I wouldn't want to be around them. Since Trey started almost as soon as we entered set break was roughly an hour after that. My mushroomed friends were ripped and I exited to see some more sober friends in another area of the club.

How does this all relate to my dating wants and needs ? Easy. I would like to date a woman who likes to see music like I do but doesn't go for to every single show. If I was to date someone who didn't our couldn't go out then I wouldn't be spending much time with her. If I was to date someone who went out and about constantly and caught a buzz each and every time then that wouldn't work either. Its going to be a fine line between the two and I hope that I will be able to find a happy medium. I think thats why I had such a crush on a friend of mine, she loves to see music but doesn't seem to get too out of hand at most shows. Maybe I'm being too picky but I can honestly say that I don't see a time in my life when I'm not going out to see music and if I am to have an honest & healthy relationship then that woman will be right there with me. I don't really know why I just wrote what I wrote today and I hope I didn't write it just for the sake of having a blog entry. I've been trying not to do that and only writing when something is on my mind.