Weekend So Far

Today is Sunday May Thirtieth Two Thousand Ten. I think I should have long weekends every week but somehow I don't think management would go for that. Its just super nice not to have anything to do that really matters tomorrow and makes Sunday much less stressful. There is one or two departments at the hospital that allow some of their staff to work four ten hour days so they get one extra day off a week. I need to somehow work for a department like that. I need to get the hell out of my current job but I've moped enough about that here.

Went to a cool wedding yesterday up in Manchester, MA. An old friend from college married a really sweet woman and the ceremony was right on the water. The reception that followed was super mellow and enjoyable. It was cool for me because the last time I had seen many of these folks I was fat and drunk. This time I was sober and less fat and everyone seemed pleasant to me with the exception of one friend's wife. Maybe she was preoccupied with someone else but normally she is really psyched to see me and always talks my ear off but not this time. Don't really know why and I don't have any memory of doing something horrible to her. I had the chance to catch up with my friend Kev who was probably my best friend in college and whose wife I really enjoy hanging out with. He mentioned that he didn't see that I had any problem with drinking and perhaps I just hid it well from him. He was concerned about my hard drug use and the people I hung out with and I appreciate that. He asked me time and again about my sobriety and it was really good to be honest and forthcoming about what was going on with me. There was also another couple who I had not seen in awhile who I was really psyched to see and talk with and they live only a few miles from me.

The real star of the show was my date. She was great, personable, was able to talk to everyone comfortably and seemed to enjoy herself. She smoked like a chimney but thats ok with me, there are worse things for me to worry about. The thing is that I was able to leave her solo and she was totally comfortable with that. She looked great of course, she always see,s to be able to pull that one off. We spoke a bit on the way home, touching on subjects that we don't normally speak about and I enjoyed it. She mentioned why she broke off her engagement three years ago and how that effected her. I still don't know if I could date her but I am going to enjoy my time with her and consider her a good friend. She wanted me to go to an bachelorette party last nite and I bowed out from that one. All my married friends thought I was crazy, hanging with a bunch of drunken women is not my idea of a good time and its not as if I know the woman who is getting married.

I feel good. Good with where I am and good about how far I've gone. I have good friends who enjoy hanging out with me. I guess more important is that I enjoy hanging out with other people. They don't stand in the way between me and my buzz because I am not going after a buzz. My friend asked me last nite if I could ever drink normally again. I answered no because while I wasn't a real blackout drinker I would always drink to get a buzz. I did blackout once in a while but not every time I got loaded. I don't know if she was understanding or disappointed when I answered that was but I thought that honesty was the best policy these days. I just need to realize that I can never drink like a normal person and that I shouldn't care what other people think about that.

I am going to a friend's house for a cook out today and my god daughter and her sister will be in attendance. I made sure to ask their mother if that was cool and promised that I wouldn't make a big deal and just be another elderly guy shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. Her and her sister's welfare means a bunch to me and in fact I have left 25% of my "estate" to them in my will. I reads 25% to nephew A, 25% to nephew B, 25% to god daughter, and 25% to Alcoholics Anonymous. If I ever get married or live with someone for more than five years then I will re write it. My life insurance goes to my brother and I think thats about it. The educational trust that was left to me doesn't really become mine till my mother passes so I don't have to worry about that right now. Don't know why I thought I needed to get everything down in writing as I plan to live for another fifty years at the least but if people don't know what your wishes are then how the hell can they do them when you become worm food. Its my desire to be cremated and my ashes tossed into the Atlantic ocean somewhere, probably Plum Island or somewhere else on the north shore.