Today is Wednesday January Sixth Two Thousand Ten. Mr Passive Aggressive Boy is working from home today so it looks like today will be pretty mellow. I like mellow wednesdays because I go over to the Arbor Hospital in Jamaica Plain for my suboxone clinic meeting. I enjoy going over there because those folks are mostly responsible for my recovery, I mean AA has been great but the resources at the Arbor are what started everything. The fair leader Brian is an amazing human being and he treats us like people and not just cases. I am amazed that he isn't jaded yet because he has been at this for a while now and I am sure has seen lots of people fail. I make sure to tell him as often as I can how much he means to me and that I couldn't have done it without him. Dr. Feelgood is a good guy as well and he is the reason for my medication, without it I don't think I would have been able to deal. I will get into my feelings about Subutex later in this blog.
I met with Nancy my trainer last night and I told her that I am ready to take my training to another level. Not a superman level but I think I need more intensity in my workouts. Probably not the best thing to say to someone who could totally kick your ass in the gym but I want to push myself as much as I can. I guess I am used to dry land training and that TOTALLY kicks your ass. I know that, I lived thru a couple of them. So I have started riding the death cycle for thirty minutes and will be adding some more exercises to my routines. Nancy promised me that I would be doing a complete workout next time I meet with her so that should prove to be interesting. I weighed myself last night and the gym scale said that I was 235 which is down from the 250 a month ago. Some dude at the gym said the scale was off by four pounds per one hundred so I guess my weight it somewhere around 225 which makes me happy. I ordered my own scale which should be here this week so that should be my final answer. When it comes to my weight I like to write out the numerals because it is much more satisfying.
I have not smoked in a week and while it does still suck it is sucking less as the days go by. I do have a pretty fair nicotine candy habit but thats much better than not smoking or at least I am telling myself that. The only thing that sucks about the candy is the packages they come in have wicked sharp corners and I have poked my fingers a bunch when grabbing for them. I am almost certain they do that on purpose, just to make the things more fucking difficult to get at. They continue to taste like ass but its better than cold turkey for now.
So I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely love women. Big surprise I guess considering that I am a man but for so many years I really didn't think that I needed or wanted a woman to be a part of my life. I like their differences, their perspective, their craziness, and I love how they smell. I am sure I will suffer from nice guy syndrome and will be tossed into the friend zone but I don't really care at this point. Just hanging out with xx chromos is fine with me and gives me a chance to interact with others.
I am about ninety percent sure I am going to San Juan Puerto Rico the weekend after next which is a long weekend. Its right before my anniversary and I want to do something totally selfish and self serving. Jet Blue has some interesting flights for one fifteen a pop, one leaves at midnight on Friday and arrives at five am on Saturday. The return flight leaves at two am on Tuesday morning and arrives at Logan at five am. Three days, two nights in San Juan sound pretty fucking good right now. I am in the process of evaluating hotels or bed and breakfasts on the isle and I am certain that once I buy the tickets on Friday I will find at least a place to crash for two nights. I am hoping that its a nice place, I am willing to fork out up to two hundred fifty dollars a night for the excursion. I would be really nice to bring a girlie with me but not this year.
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