Clapping & Friends

Today is Monday January Twenty Fifth Two Thousand Ten. Big day today, I not only decided to do cardio for another day but I will be receiving my one year medallion tonight at the Welcome All aa group. Its nice to be recognized and there is a lot of that kind of shit in aa. There is a bunch of clapping as well, it seems like we clap at just about everything and spend much of the meeting clapping. I like to clap, maybe not as much as I like to snap or whistle but its certainly easy to do. When I clap I am one of those assholes that claps on the downbeat of all the other clappers or up tempo as well. Sometimes if I am holding a cup of coffee I clap one handed and smack my hand against my thigh. I also add a "woo woo !" Let me see how many times we clap: When a speaker is introduced, when a speaker is finished, when someone gets a day counter chip, when someone gets a medallion, when the secretary is finished, when the treasurer is finished, and sometimes there is spontaneous clapping as well. So I guess if you are new to aa, you better like to clap.

I have been trading emails with a woman I dated for three months or so. We were like two peas in a pod, same age, same ciggy brand, grew up in the same part of mass, similar alcoholism, etc. She dumped me for a couple of reasons. The first was that I was a total mess and would frequently show up to the bar she worked at drunk. I also looked at some shit on her computer I shouldn't have even though it wasn't anything I didn't already know about her. A friend of mine who also dated her told me she dumped me because things were going well and she got scared. I'd like to think that was true but I was a total asshole then and wasn't in any shape to be good for anyone. She is the second ex that I talk to and probably the only one I still give a shit about. I wouldn't date her again even if it was possible but she is a good friend and I feel that enough time has passed for that to be possible. She is one of the most honest people I know and I have a tremendous about of respect and admiration for her because of that. She is also creative and while I don't like all of her artistic endeavors I enjoy the majority of them.

I stated previously that we had similar alcoholism and while that was true it is not true today. She is able to police her drinking and may not have boozed for the same reasons that I did. She is able to draw a line where I simply cannot and have no desire to just drink a little bit. I will never forget Valentine's day and the amount of booze we consumed. From what I remember we went out to dinner and had at least one martini each and split a bottle of wine. Then we went back to her pad and drank a fifth of gin in martinis, at least two bottles of wine, and the better part of a twelve pack before she passed out. I remember carrying her to bed and then resuming the task of finishing the twelvie while smoking her ciggys and playing her guitar. She woke up the next morning very embarrassed to me making breakfast and probably humming.

She taught me a bunch about relationships during our brief time together. I think I grew up a bit and as much as I didn't want to admit it learned about my lack of ability as a boyfriend. I remember that we had tickets to a Trey show about six weeks after we broke up and we went together anyway. She drove and I brought along a friend who has just arrived from Thailand. Along with his arrival was a bottle of Thai Whiskey which has speed in it. I believe we drank most of a fifth before she picked us up and I am sure I wasn't the most pleasant person to be around on the way down to the show. I ran into a friend towards the end of the second set and he furnished me with some mdma for the ride home. She was still driving and I was supposed to be the navigator which didn't turn out so hot as I could barely see ten feet in front of me. I managed to have us miss the exit and we had to drive an extra thirty minutes out of our way because of it. Why she still talks to me today I will never know.

The majority of my friends have really been supportive and even the ones that I don't really talk to I believe are supportive. I even have a few friends outside of the program who have never seen me drunk which is amazing. I am pretty amazed that two xx chromos want to hang out with me on Friday and I know that never would have happened last year. I have always been friends with women but it always seemed that I had to do the majority of the effort thru communication, making plans, and taking care of logistics. I don't think I am god's gift to xx chromos or anything but its really cool that a few of them consider me their friend and want to spend time with me. One in particular has been awesome and even though I don't think I could date her it was incredible to be able to hang out with her in my early sobriety.