Today is Sunday January Third Two Thousand Ten. I like writing this year much better than the "Oh" shit. Much more succinct I tell you, I will try and stop mentioning how much I like writing "Ten" than "Oh" but I am not promising anything. It been snowing for three days and I think thats awesome. Most of the people around here don't agree with me but I like the quiet that snow brings. Well except for the asshole that was shoveling at six am yesterday morning. Not only was it very early but there wasn't much snow on the ground yet and the weather dude said that it was going to snow all day. So what was up with this idiot shoveling so god dam early ? I checked his driveway after I went to the gym and I didn't see any tire tracks and its not like there wasn't so much snow as to impede his progress or anything like that. He must be friends with the jackass a few doors down that operates a wood shop out of his garage and insists on using his circular saw and planer starting at eight in the morning. Arlington is thickly settled with most of its houses next door to each other so we know each others business and its jackasses like those two guys that make me want to move. Not that the mad shoveler woke me up or anything, its just the principal of the thing.
Besides sneakers, I have been buying a shit ton of clothes these past few months. I think I am making up for those years where I didn't buy any clothes at all and spent all my money on drugs and alcohol. I shop online mostly and after I figure out my size its off to the races. LL Bean and Land's End are my mainstays and I think you would call my style "rundown preppie" or some shit like that. I like cords and button down shirts because they are comfortable and if you tuck your shirt in you can look pretty good. I don't normally tuck my shirt in because I'm fat but a few months more at the gym and I should be able to do it. They say the clothes make the man and for the first time in my life I actually like looking and smelling good. When I was using I would go for days wearing the same clothes and would take showers on a regular basis. I don't know why really, its not like I am afraid of the water or anything like that. I think that I was just so focused on how I was going to get thru the day that nothing else mattered. These days I feel great after I have showered and get dressed and in my own way look pretty good.
I even looked at a v neck sweater vest today. I know, thats total freakish behavior but in the correct setting sweater vests can look pretty darn charming. With a blazer for example and since I bought a spiffy camel hair blazer for xmas I figured that I may want a sweater vest to go along with it. It doesn't mean that I actually bought one but just looking and considering one is worth noting. It shows just how far I have come in the past year and also points out to me how much farther I can go. I am alright with that, its not like "poof" all of the sudden I am exactly where I want to be, this is a process thats going to take time and effort. Granted I wish I had made this life changing decision ten years ago but this is what I have so I am going to work with it. I ended up ordering a black cotton crew neck sweater and another jacket. I seem to collect jackets like I collect sneaker but fuck it, I live in a place where its freaking cold for six months out of the year and if a new jacket makes me feel good about my life and why the fuck not? I feel the same way about sneakers, I could have used that money in the past to buy a bag of dope.
Day five of not smoking. Been chewing these horrid nicotine candies that taste like minty chalk but they seem to work. The only thing I have to watch out for is they leave a residue on my lips and in the corner of my mouth so I looked like a crack head. I think I could feel it a bit in the gym this morning when I was on the bike but I don't know about that. I think that it will take a few weeks and then a few months before there is a major change. I know my doc will be happy, I am going to wait another month or two before I get checked out so I can present the benefits of my new lifestyle to him. He was fairly horrified to learn I was addicted to a variety of substances and for a minute there I thought the was going to suggest that I see someone else but he continued having me as his patient. He did however explain that he wouldn't be doctoring for much longer and I am going to miss him. He hadn't been to the doc for mover ten years before I saw him a few years ago and I am glad I finally did. Its going to be interesting to see if I still have high blood pressure after living my new lifestyle for a few months.
Lifestyle. Hmm, thats a word thats been on my mind a bunch these past few weeks because it has changed so much. My lifestyle is now focused on health which is the polar opposite of what it was for the past twenty years. Sobriety is part of my lifestyle now. Eating right is part of my lifestyle now. Not smoking is part of my lifestyle now. All these things I used to ignore I now pay attention to and carefully monitor. When I was in the throes of my heroin addiction just taking a dump was a challenge. I know that sounds crazy but opiates do terrible things to your digestive systems and its one of the first physical symptoms that I noticed. When you ingest opiates you don't want to poo and then when you stop doing opiates your poo isnt very solid. I know thats icky but thats the way it was for me. Other than not throwing up every other day, being regular is one of the biggest bonuses in being sober. Ok, enough of the bodily fluids.
I am headed over to a AA gathering in a little while and it should be interesting to hang with some folks in the program. AA has filled a large social void for me and besides the xx chromos there are plenty of dudes to hang out with as well. I still have plenty of other friends who are not in the program and very supportive of my progress but its cool to hang out with others in the program. We all share a common bond of being in recovery and it should be interesting to see what other folks are into besides Alcoholics Anonymous. I am sure there will be some recovery speak but thats fine with me, after all it is a main focus in our lives and many of us would be hopeless without it. I am ok with saying that without AA I don't think that I could stay sober for more than a month or so. Anyone can not drink for a month but staying sober for long periods of time and incorporating sobriety into your life style takes work and patience.
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