Last Nite's Speaker & Smelly Dudes In AA

Today is Tuesday January Twenty Sixth Two Thousand Ten. I took the day off today, I decided to be lazy for once and just chill out at my pad on Amsden Street. There is not much on the docket today, I had a good workout this morning worked both the weights and cardio and I feel good about it. I am watching some "Twilight Zone" episodes on the booby and internetting around. I plan to read a bit, take a nap, and maybe brush my teeth a couple of times. I think this is the first time I have written a blow by blow account of my day but since today is so exciting I figured I would. I thought I would start some traditions of my own in regards to my recovery and one of them is taking the day off after my medallion ceremony to do absolutely nothing other than working out, drinking coffee, and eating. Oh, brushing my teeth a couple of times, always need to have good dental hygiene.

Last nite was awesome, my friend James spoke and received his three year medallion after I got my one year. He is a good kid, from the north shore and is back in art school. He is a brave guy who also has a eating disorder which for a guy is quite a thing to admit. He was very emotional, breaking down a few times, and really was abl to share his feelings. Thats one thing I need to work on, sharing my feelings and emotions with others in meetings. I pretty much tell my story like a police report and without much emotion. James is the complete opposite of that and his shares are awesome and last nite was the second time I've heard his story. The only problem about James as I don't really understand his girlfriend. She is in the program and has never even said anything beyond hello to me. Its as if she thinks I am trying to get into her pants or something and nothing could be further from the truth. Not only is she in the program, already has a bobo, but I don't find her attractive in the least. I know thats total bullshit and I sorta feel bad saying it but she just isn't very nice to me. Maybe its a vibe I give off or something or maybe she is just a shy person.

So I got my one year medallion and a card with a bunch of other member's thoughts inside. It was really cool to get and the two guys I asked showed up to cheer me on. One is a member from the Sat am meeting who is like an AA father figure for me and the other one is someone from work. He was really emotional after the meeting and I don't think that he had ever been to a aa meeting before. I sometimes forget how emotional they can be and most people don't share their feelings with large groups of people. Its a testament to the program that I am not only comfortable listening to other's feelings but on occasion am able to share my own. It really meant a bunch to me that they showed up in support of me. Its one of the many awesome things that AA has given me over the last year. People see me as an inspiration ! Me ? An inspiration ? Again, another bit of awesomeness of aa.

I told everyone last nite that while yes I have changed on the outside and no longer look like a PH!SH tour refugee that biggest part has been the change on the inside. I feel comfortable in my own skin and I am for once happy with they way things are going in my life. I am a bit lonely but I know that eventually I will find someone who I can make as happy as she makes me. Granted, it might be a dog but we all have to know what makes us happy. It amazes me that I am a able to maintain my sobriety and that I actually enjoy going to aa meetings. They must work because I have not had a cocktail since I started going and while I think about it every now and then I really don't have the obsession to drink. I still have my faults but I know what most of them are and I am making an effort to improve myself and those around me. Last year I didn't give a shit about anyone but myself and I was the only thing I thought about. Not to say that I am gracious to a fault but I again make the effort to help others.

Every once in awhile someone appears in an AA meeting who makes me feel very uncomfortable. There are two guys in particular who over the past year make me squirm in my seat. The first guy thinks that we are a bunch of snobs who are not welcoming, don't call on him to speak, and yells at the group while he is walking out the door. He is usually pretty shitfaced and I am just embarrassed for him because he so obviously needs some help. The second guy is homeless and emits the most god awful stench I have ever smelled. He has this toxic cloud that covers about ten feet and the stench lingers for fifteen minutes after he leaves a room. I mean I would like to help the guy but his smell makes me want to vomit and I pride myself on having a fairly strong stomach. He also claims that he doesn't drink anymore and I have seen him drinking in the street and he had a bottle with him on the NYD alcathon. I would be happy to try and help this guy but he needs to take a shower and be honest with himself. I realize I am bitching for the sake of bitching but the smell was just so horrible and I wanted to bitch about it.