Holidays Are Over, Tucked In, Roommate Moving Out

Today is Monday January Fourth Two Thousand Ten. Not particularly unhappy that it is Monday but not altogether happy about it either. I am glad that I made it thru the holidays without freaking out or drinking and that AA was there when I needed it. In a big style change I tucked my shirt in this morning. I realize that seems tremendously obvious to most people but if you are fat and wear pants that are too tight then tucking in your shirt only accents your fatness. In my opinion at least and now that my pants actually fit in the waist I am going the tucked in route. As I progress in my recovery self image has become much more important to me and I want to give people the best impression I can. I think I actually match today as well. Jebus, the next thing you know I will be ordering cashmere sweater vests from Land's End.

So my roommate Kristy is moving out because she finally forced her shill of a boyfriend to give her an engagement ring. Since everything is about her don't ya know. She sent us an email and I can't say that I am at all surprised by the method or the message. She is if anything, bright, and I am surprised that it took her this long to weasel out of the lease. I don't really care who moves in as long as they are employed, clean, and pay their bills on time. I leave the house by seven thirty most mornings and don't return till nine or so and I don't think another person living there will make much difference. I am sure my other roommate Jamie is concerned because she is pretty damn used to having the palace all to herself but unless she wants to pay half of the rent tough tittie to her. Should be interesting to see what sort of folks turn up to check out the place but I am going to make it as stressful as possible on Kristy. I know that super petty and I am supposed to be a better man than that but hey, she signed a lease and she needs to understand that not everybody bends to her every whim. She never cleaned or paid bills on time so I say good riddance.

Well, good riddance was kinda harsh but she always complained about how the pad wasn't clean but then should wouldn't fucking clean ANYTHING. I don't think she emptied the dishwasher for the four years she lived there and I know for a fact that she didn't take the trash out. Bah ! Ok, enough. I have had many roommates over the years and she wasn't the worst one by far. After all, I lived in what amounted to a crack house for six months when I was in Somerville. It wasn't a crack house in the sense that it was vacant and didn't have electricity but two of the guys who lived there smoked cocaine constantly. They didn't want to call it crack but when you mix cocaine, baking soda, and heat the end result is crack. Crack is nasty tasting but it smells like bananas believe it or not. The guys I lived with would be smoking crack when I left in the morning, when I got home, and when I went to bed. I must give them a thumbs up on their sheer ability at smoking crack, I sure couldn't make it that long. Never liked smoking cocaine, don't like the buzz, the taste, or the fiending fucktard that you become. One of the guys served a few years in the clink for dealing and turned out to be a pretty good guy. The other one hasn't changed one but except that he is married and has a kid to ignore now.

I am going to write some war stories at some point, starting at my earliest and going thru to the latest. They are a part of my life and I learned from almost all of them and I am sure there are plenty that I don't remember. Plenty of weird shit goes on when you party and not all of it bad. Doing it repeatedly is bad and having the same problems as a result really sucks. I dunno, almost all my friends were really hard partiers once but they were able to get themselves out of it without going down the addiction road. I often wonder what makes me different and if there was a reason why I got drunk and high all the time. I wasn't abused as a kid and had a very blessed childhood. I think that I was afraid of the future because I was afraid of my past. It was easier just to get wasted and forget about everything than it was to deal with the present. I did suffer from depression but it was directly related to my substance abuse, I am sure of that. After being sober for some time I have realized that I am a mostly happy person who is just a little lonely at times. I desire the trust from a xx chromo that goes along with being intimate with her, its not just the sex although I would be most pleased at some booty. Just being a part of someone's life, someone who counts on me and who I can count on is what I am looking for. I am certain that I will meet someone but I need to remember that I have never been in a relationship sober since Nineteen Ninety Three and I have to keep my ears & eyes open and my emotions in check. Don't fall in love with the first girl who shows interest.