Weekend With My Folks & Role Models

Today is Saturday January Ninth Two Thousand Ten. I am spending the weekend in what I call god's country or the north shore of Massachusetts. Specifically Topsfield where I grew up. I enjoy getting the hell out of dodge every once in a while and my folks are really cool about letting me crash at their house. This weekend however, they are here so we are going to spend the time together. What is amazing is that if I was using I would have planned an entire weekend getting bombed in front of the television and I would have been pissed if my folks were at their house when I wanted to be there alone. Selfishness and addiction go hand in hand. I went to the gym with my mom this morning and later we are going to go check out the boxter she got him for his birthday.

My mom said that I was a role model this morning. Boy have I come a long way, previously I was a role mode for addiction now I am a role model for recovery. I am amazed how continued effort can pay off and make you want to do more. I guess for most normal people this is obvious but when you are addicted to drugs and alcohol you are generally self centered and don't see too much further than beyond the nose on your face. Sobriety hasn't been easy but it has not be impossible either. The AA folks say that every day you are closer to your next drink but I don't agree with that. Every day I am sober proves to me that continued sobriety is a good idea and that without it I am not prepared to live or love a rewarding life.

A good example of this is this trip I am taking to PR. I would never have been able to get the resources together to pull this off last year and I would have rather rented a hotel room somewhere and gotten smashed and high for three days. Instead of doing that I am traveling to an island in the carribean, checking out the local talent, and absorbing the local culture. Just the timing of it amazes me, the fact that I can pull off all the logistics in just ten days and be down there before I have even had time to think about it is awesome. I will most certainly be checking out some AA meetings when I am there and its always interesting to check out how other groups work their recovery. You also never know who you are going to run into and what sort of resources you will find at a meeting. I am not saying that I plan to look for a job in PR but it would be outstanding to live and work someplace where it is eighty degrees everyday and people want to come and visit you.

I find myself thinking more and more about by former best friend and I don't think that our friendship will ever be where it was before. While much of it was based on using, I always thought there were other parts that surpassed that part of the equation. I am more than willing to make an effort but not if it gets in the way or jeopardizes my sobriety. Its just that I miss getting his perspective on things and his general good humor. It is still an open wound for me and one that won't be healing anytime soon. Boo !