Two Days, Two Weeks, & One Week

Today is Thursday January Fourteenth Two Thousand Ten. Today has a fair amount of significance because I have been smoke free for two complete weeks, will be leaving for Puerto Rico tomorrow, and a week from today I will celebrate a year of sobriety. Whew, thats a bunch of stuff going on in my life which is such a change from a year ago when nothing was going on. Last year at this time I was drinking in the morning when I didn't have any heroin whether I had to work or not and a co worker had figured out that I was doing this. He had given me a couple of passes but he was at the end of his rope and so was my boss. I guess I will review what my activities were last year at this time.

I woke up early Fri morning and started drinking so I emailed work and said that I had an docs appointment and would be in later. I sat in front of the tv and drank till noon and just never showed up for work. I passed out sometime in the early afternoon and when I woke up I listened to a bunch of messages from Human Resources wondering where the fuck I was. I spent the weekend up in Topsfield with a case of beer and a few bags of heroin and after all that was finished I started in on my dad's wine collection. I contacted work and was approved for a medical leave and it was just a matter of time before I made my decision. I org went to Topsfield to figure out how to kill myself but I didn't have the balls to do it. I spoke to my brother and informed him of this on Monday and then my dad came down from Maine and brought me to Beverly Hospital. From there I was taken by ambulance to the Arbour Hospital in Jamaica Plain.

I woke up after a few hours of sleep in a detox for the first time in my life. I was the only rookie there, all of the other patients were repeats and were super bitchy. Thats what struck me the most, how entitled these folks were and how the staff was supposed to bend over backwards to help them out. I was wearing clothes that I would wear to work so I sorta suck out a bit but my hair was super long and I think I had a beard. I looked over the other folks and decided that I was right where I should be and just wasn't looking forward to the long road ahead. I make friends very easily so it wasn't long before I was interacting with a bunch of people. There were a few cute girls in the unit but I learned later that they fucked people for a living. Def not my idea of a good time and very sad. There was this one girl that was on so many meds that she just sort of drooled, shuffled, and nodded out the whole time. I also met an older guy that I would eventually sell my guitar to who wrote the serenity prayer on a piece of paper when I asked him to.

The Arbour dual diagnosis unit is a lockdown floor so it was sorta like being in jail for summer camp. We had various meetings, watched movies, and smoke breaks. The food was unremarkable but it was there. The staff with the exception of the weekend folks were excellent and very friendly. Evidently my blood pressure was so high that they made me sit near the nurses station in the beginning so in case I seized up they could administer whatever was needed. I was pretty medicated and don't remember a whole lot and I guess thats good. All I know is that I was ready to get out of there after seven days and I took the train over to a friend's house in Malden. This is the same friend that won't talk or hang out with me now after I've been sober for a year.

I went to a AA meeting that first night out of detox followed by a day program at the Arbour. The day program was crucial in my recovery process because it gave me local professional help when I needed it and I still go back to that place twice a month for my suboxone program. I would attend the program from eight hours a day and then go to meetings at night. I started going to Cambridge AA meetings and have not stopped, they are a good crew of folks. After the two week aftercare program I took an additional two weeks to focus on my recovery and then went back to work. Getting out of work that first day and not drinking was tough for me because thats what I knew. I needed to change my habits, lifestyle, and routines into healthy ones.

If I had it to do all over again I don't think I would have changed a thing. I could have gone somewhere else for my rehab but I wanted a local place because staying sober in detox is easy, you don't really have a choice. Its when you are back out in the world where you have to make good choices and make sure you have a support system. I certainly had that but it is also important to take into consideration that I have been working my ass off during my recovery and have followed the suggestions put forth by others. So far so good, I still attend six meetings a week and meet with Ed as often as I can. I chair a thu nite meeting and may be the secretary for the mon nite meeting. I have been on commitments, spoke four times, and have held many service jobs over the past year. AA has been good to me and while I like to joke and say I go to meetings for the xx chromos, my favorite meeting is a men's meeting called Hair Of The Dog. It meets daily in the am but I am unable to get to it due to work and my gym schedule. I plan to go next thu to spread some good cheer, I know that some of my brothers there will want to celebrate with me.