Action Is The Key

Today is Wednesday February Tenth Two Thousand Ten. The gr8fulnotdead blog has its first follower ! I guess I should pay better attn to content and proofreading now. This blog is fulfilling its purpose, it helps me to write my thoughts down and now perhaps my babblings can help someone else. The only other comment I received was about drinking mouthwash and I think the dude was a little horrified. He was looking for sailing blogs and he somehow found mine. Well, mouthwash is pretty fucking horrific to drink and thats where my life was then. Its quite a thing to be physically addicted to alcohol and going thru alcohol withdrawal on your own is dangerous and the pits. I did it at least eight or ten times and I remember screaming at the top of my lungs just to have something to do. I would go a few days without drinking and then I would start again. Pretty soon I was drinking in the morning again as well as waking up in the middle of the night for a few. I remember using heroin while going thru booze withdrawal and thinking it was the dope that was making me so sick.

Met with my sponsor last nite and I am flummoxed. I really like him, he is there for me but the motherfucker just doesn't check his messages. I called him three days ago and asked him to please call me. He didn't. He did however show up for our meeting and thats a bonus but its driving me nuts that he doesn't call me back. Of course I have not told him as much and I will have to mention it when we meet again. I think thats why he now lives with his girlfriend, she got so tired of not being able to get a hold of him she finally gave up and asked him to move in. He is drawing this sweet picture to remember my first anniversary and I really appreciate it. He will probably spend hours drawing the fucking thing but he doesn't think to check his messages. I know he is not doing it on purpose and I need to toe the line and tell him what is up. He is ten years older than I am and just isn't cell phone centric I guess.

Bought a pedometer today for this "Healthy Lifestyle" program that I am doing with my trainer and a few other people. I am supposed to document how much I walk as well as continue with the food log that I provide every week. I walk a bunch both in my commute and for work and I am interested in just how much walking I actually do. Me being the competitive bitch that I am I will probably walk extra just to see how much walking I can actually do in any given day. I was amazed at how many freaking pedometers there are available and that you can spend well over a hundred dollars on one. I think thats a bit extreme.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine expressed interest in talking with me about her brother whom she thinks may have a problem. I waited for a awhile and then sent an email on Friday asking if she still wanted to talk about it. I have not heard back and I am not going to pester her about it but it just illustrates to me that when it comes to recovery that action is the key. You can sit around thinking about how and why you want to get better but unless you actually do something about it thats all a waste of time. I am sure she wants her brother to get better and if she can help with that its great but the reality may be a bit much for her to handle. Nobody wants to admit that someone close to them has a problem, like its a bad reflection on them or something. I know that my mother had and has a real problem with my recovery. I remember how ashamed she was of me when I got bagged for DWI on xmas a few years back. Since I am the only one in my family with a problem I can't really compare with past experiences. All I know is that you need to take action right away and face your problems up front. As the big book says on page eighty-six or something like that, "Action is the key". Maybe I will create another t-shirt with that phrase.