Eleventh & Friends

Today is Thursday February Eleventh Two Thousand Ten. I like the word "eleventh", it sorta rolls out of your mouth. First you say the "E" and my mouth is open, then the tip of my tongue hits the back of my front teeth, then my front teeth hit my bottom lip, and finally my tongue ends up touching the bottom of my front teeth. Jebus, it sounds like oral sex directions. Maybe I should look into that I know there is some urban myth about saying the alphabet. I am sure my mother who is a speech pathologist would be interested in my description if I didn't mention the oral sex part. Eww, my mom and that act in the same sentence. Icky. Its the simple things that entertain me, Eleventh...Eleventh....Eleventh. Ok, I think I've had enough.

So I got and email at my fabo addy today from my friend Courtney. She and I have quite a history and are/will be connected our entire loves. She is the mother of my god daughter Isabella and she and I have had many crazy times together. She is probably the best xx chromo friend that I have and I like being her friend. We had some rough times over the past four years but we have started talking again and I am very glad for that. The father of Isabella is Randy whom I have not spoken to since August but before that he was my best and oldest friend. Courtney asked me for advice as to what to do about Randy and his downward spiral. His daughters are beginning to feel abandoned by him and are upset about it. I didn't really have a suggestion for her other than to do whats best for her and the kids. She had to take him to court for $$ and has really raised both girls by herself. Randy likes to project this vibe of love and compassion but thats not at all how he acts. Regardless of his problems with Courtney he needs to understand that he daughters are here for his life and he needs to either man up and be a part of their life or never see them again. I know that sounds harsh and I am totally talking out of my ass here as I don't have any experience in such matters but thats how I feel.

What is interesting about Courtney bringing it up is that his girlfriend has reached out for help with him. She is trying to take action and considering that they have only been dating since the summer I am impressed. There is of course some self preservation happening as she lives with him but just that she gives a shit is impressive to me. It would be easy for her to just forget about everything and fly the coop. I dunno, its a tricky situation with no easy answer and I can only hope that at some point he will understand that his actions have consequences beyond his own sphere of influence. He thinks that everyone is blowing everything out of proportion and perhaps specific incidents are not all that bad but when it becomes a behavior people are going to notice and be pissed. I am sure he doesn't forget that he was in prison for three years but perhaps he doesn't understand that it affected other people as well. Sure he had to do the time and that totally sucks but the people on the outside had stuff to deal with as well.

I have a moratorium on buying clothes for myself till I stop losing weight and I realize there are worse problems to have. I went to REI yesterday to buy a pedometer for this healthy lifestyle project my trainer is doing and before I knew it I had about a hundred bucks worth of clearance sale items in my hands. I had to steel my eyes away from the good deals and walk directly to the cash register without buying anything else. Except that I did buy a belt but that was a necessity because since I now am able to tuck in my shirts without looking like a fatty I certainly need different color belts to match. At least I keep telling myself those sort of things and it usually works for me. I do not have any reason not to buy some new kicks however so my sneaker addiction is live and well. I don't think I have purchased any this month yet and I will have remedy that right quick today.

Psyched to see Trey tomorrow night, I will be there with a great crew and I am looking forward to some good hang time. Oh, and the band rips as well. Its just so cool not to have to figure out how I am going to get all fucked up without everyone else knowing about it and how I am going to deal with the fall out. I was walking to the mbta last fall and it struck me how much easier my life is when I am sober. I suppose thats super obvious to most people but its very true for me. Sometimes things are glaringly obvious but it takes time to notice them. I think its good to just stop and think for awhile and things will come to you in time. I told someone today that recovery is so much more than sobriety. I know this is true because I have grown so much as a man this year, more than I ever thought possible or wanted to grow. I am still impulsive (see sneaker addiction) but now I think about it for awhile (see bank account balance) before I decide what to do.