Mt. Snow - NOT & Gym

Today is Friday February Fifth Two Thousand Ten. I am supposed to have dinner with a friend of mine tonight but he has canceled a few times and I have not had confirmation yet so we will see. I realize people are busy and all that and I am not taking anything personally. Should be a good way to start the weekend off and then I am headed up to Mt. Snow for a snowboard competition on Saturday morning. My mother was under the impression that I had committed to hanging out with my folks this weekend so she is a little pissy. Because of that I am going to try to call my father and either speak to him briefly or leave a message. Sometimes technology is awesome to avoid communication and I have to try and remember that when I am banging out twenty god damn texts before meeting up with someone at a show.

Didn't have a very good session in the gym this morning, just wasn't feeling the love although I sense my love handles are decreasing finally. People can already see the weight loss in my face but my love handles were getting fairly big. I first noticed it when wearing my now defunct leather jacket and a sweatshirt that I bought without trying on. The hoodie is a XXL but it must be for a very tall and skinny person because its just as slender as the XL. I think its because it has hemp in it. Every hemp product I have tried on seems to be sized for skinny little hippies who don't eat enough. I am going to need a few more belts as well because my pants don't seem to fit and I don't want to buy any more pants till I get down to two hundred or so. It will be quite an accomplishment to weigh that much or little depending on how you look at it. The last time I weighed that was ninety three when my newer friends were thirteen. It strange sometimes being ten years older than some people you hang out with and as long as they are cool with it I am. I am totally going to dye my hair when the grey starts taking over. I realize thats totally vain but I don't really give a shit about it. If I feel better by not having grey hair then thats the way its going to be.

I have a chance to go to a show with three xx chromos, two of whom I am interested in but I have decided not to go. I have dinner plans with John and I could certainly eat early with him and then jet over to the house o' blues but I am going to take a time out. Don't want to appear needy to those women and they will have a good time regardless if I am there or not. I am sure it will be fun and the band is awesome but I think I am making the right decision. Its like my emotions are in eighth grade again the way I am feeling and its really strange. They say that you stop your emotional development when you start using drugs all the time and it pretty much started for me my freshman year. It just thought about that, giving myself a timeline and its interesting to see thats when it was and thats how I remember feeling. Score another one for the AA folks. I continue to be impressed by stuff that was written in the nineteen fifties is relevant today.

Looks like I am not going to VT after all this weekend. My friend called and he said that not only is the room tiny but the snowboarder may not qualify for the competition. I don't doubt the veracity of what he said but its just kind of weird that there wouldn't even been enough room for me on the floor of a motel room. I dunno, maybe its for the best as I really want to attend the quaker friends meeting and workout a bunch at the gym which I could't do if I was on the bus. I really want to see if I can do that new cardio machine for a long time. The first time I was only able to do it for eight minutes but today I did ten. I think I am going to do that machine, then weight train, and then the death cycle. I think its good to get warmed up before hitting the machines and free weights. Otherwise I am going to hit the elliptical and then the cycle. It is absolutely astounding that I enjoy working out as much as I do and that I didn't start earlier. I think my biggest regret is not getting sober sooner but who knows, maybe I would have relapsed and not worked as hard as I needed to in order to stay sober.